Wool Goddess

“Are you not listening to me?” This is a question I am often asked and I always feel a massive sense of guilt at times due to sensory overload as it is such a difficult symptom to explain well. It is hard enough getting people to accept the pain and chronic fatigue associated with fibromyalgia so other symptoms become even harder. 

Often there is too much going on for my brain to cope with and it shuts down and becomes slow and fuzzy, this is called sensory overload. 

It makes me feel overwhelmed like I am a spectator watching but not being able to focus on what is going on. During this time I feel panicky and a bit tearful, like I just want it to stop, but how do you stop normal life? 

I know I am not the only person with fibromyalgia to feel this way, I was so relieved when I discovered others suffer from this. That always sounds terrible to say but it really is a comfort knowing you are not alone with an experience like this. 

My first realisation that I was experiencing sensory overload was very early on after diagnosis. I was still trying to manage a “normal life” at this stage but often the television seemed so excessively loud and confusing if there was another noise also such as a clock ticking. I would ask the children to turn it down as I could not focus on words while the TV was on, it was like they were speaking but I could not grasp the conversation at all. 

Another sign was public transport became hell. 

There were way too many noises all happening at once and it would scare me. 

• Clusters of people having different conversations. 
• Bass sound from people with poor quality headphones. 
• Children screeching.
• Babies crying.
• The engine sounds.
• The doors opening and closing. 
• People pressing the bell. 
• People talking into mobile phones. 

Within my mind, the sound was a massive stress that scared me and it all became so intrusive. I hear every noise at the same intensity in one massive blow.

In a “normal” person the brain blocks out most of the noise and you just focus on one, maybe two but in someone with sensory overload our brains can’t handle it all.

I literally feel shut down, it starts to crash just like a computer. I become slow, quiet and start to try and ignore everything. 

Sometimes I cope, but if I am in pain or tired I struggle. My brain loses the ability to filter out and selectively attend to what’s important in the constant stream of incoming sensory information. 

If you imagine a brain as a Rubix cube when it is new, all the colours on the correct sides. The noise changes this calm, it is almost like crazed monster turns the cube with each sound until it becomes a mess. I have now lost the ability for my brain to filter out what it needs, what we need to focus on and what we need to block out. 

We can not help this happening. 

We can not predict when so we try to avoid situations where it happened before for fear of feeling that sadness, overwhelming feelings, feeling disembodied. 

So to answer the initial question, “Are you not listening to me?”

Often no, I am not, please do not take it personally. 

Many people with fibromyalgia experience over-stimulation (sensory overload) from the environment. People who experience this kind of sensory overload may find normal everyday levels of some stimuli uncomfortable, distressing and this may lead to fear and anxiety. 

Today I felt overwhelmed,  so much was happening this afternoon, it is now the evening and I am still feeling emotional, drained and overwhelmed from this experience. Tears have welled in my eyes typing this yet it has been soothing to write. A few paragraphs of emotions would have once taken me minutes to type now it becomes hours. My brain is slow yet this has been very cathartic to do so thank you for taking the time to read my words. 

If you are a fibromyalgia person and read this thinking, “that is me also” then huge hugs. 

If you have a loved one with fibromyalgia then I hope me sharing my emotions will help you to understand, we try our best. 

Hope your day is magical and you notice the small precious moments.

Love & healing hugs