Wool Goddess

 

A Little Backstory

Christmas of 2022 was an unusual one for me. In the months leading up to it, I had been undergoing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to manage heightened anxiety. This was my second round of CBT, as I wanted to heal my lifelong history of panic attacks and anxiety. The therapist was amazing, she helped me work through my past. I made links about the way I am back to an early trauma I never spoke about before.

The intensity of the therapy left me feeling raw and overwhelmed, and with all the emotional work going on, I barely had the energy to organise for Christmas. (I am usually the Virgo woman who has everything wrapped in November). Then, right as the festivities arrived, a viral bug hit our household. We were all unwell and trying our best to keep up the festive spirit, but it was tough.

After the festivities, I went through my usual post-Christmas Fibromyalgia flare-up, which then morphed into what I thought was a simple water infection. In hindsight, my tendency to self-diagnose and dismiss symptoms nearly cost me my life!

Living with chronic pain for so long has led me to tolerate it to a degree that now feels odd to explain, I can just block out pain, dissociate to get through it. So it’s hard for me to always know when it’s something serious. And this time, it was.

After several days of worsening pain, fever, and night sweats, I finally realised cranberry juice wasn’t going to fix things. I needed antibiotics. So, reluctantly, I called a taxi and headed to my GP, which soon led to a whirlwind of events.

A Day in the Hospital: Facing the Unexpected

That day, the few hours I spent in my local hospital turned into an emergency situation. Tests showed I was in bad shape, and the CT scan revealed a large mass. My doctors suspected cancer, and I was told I would need emergency surgery. They prepared me to wake up with part of my bowel removed and likely a colostomy bag.

During surgery, they found my appendix had ruptured long before. Because I’d ignored it, it had become gangrenous and caused my bowel to twist, forming an abscess. The surgeon had to untangle my bowel, remove the appendix, and clean up the infected area. By then, I had sepsis, but thanks to the skill of my consultant who did the operation himself, I didn’t end up needing a colostomy bag.

Healing was slow, I was in hospital with catheters, drains, and rounds of antibiotics, including another hospital stay when the infection returned. Even after coming home, I stayed on antibiotics for months.

Healing and Processing the Trauma

At the time, I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to fully process the trauma of it all as there was a lot going on during that time which sucked my energy and left me feeling very unsupported by my then partner. It was only later once that relationship ended that I felt strong enough to work through the unprocessed trauma with the help of a therapist. Now, I’m focused on inner healing, trying to make sense of what happened.

Currently, I’m in the journaling phase. Writing has always been therapeutic for me; it lets me process my emotions and acknowledge what I went through. I’m allowing myself to feel whatever comes up; frustration, sadness, even vulnerability. Reminding myself that healing takes time and that it’s okay to feel fragile has been an important part of this journey.

Embracing the Journey and Finding Meaning

By blogging about my healing process, I hope to make sense of this experience and, perhaps, to offer some encouragement to others who may be on a similar path. This journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth every step.

To anyone out there facing similar struggles: know that you’re not alone, and that recovery is possible. Healing, even when painful, can lead to growth and a deeper sense of self-love.

Hope this helps

Love & Healing hugs xxx