Wool Goddess

A Journey of Healing and Self-Discovery

This past year has been a profound journey of self-healing and introspection. Over the past eighteen months, I’ve navigated a maze of confusion, exhaustion, and grief, emotions that finally demanded my undivided attention by June. It was a turning point, compelling me to pause, reflect, and reassess my life.

Carrying Burdens That Aren’t Mine

Much of the pain I carried wasn’t even my own. I found myself engulfed in someone else’s struggles, absorbing their drama, problems, and even enduring bullying as I tried to protect them. I then tried to set boundaries, recognising the limits of what I could tolerate. Yet, my efforts were met with resistance, alienation, and even bullying from within their circle.

This left me soul-weary, as though I’d been carrying an invisible, unrelenting weight. And, in truth, I had. Like so many of us, I had mastered the art of saying, “I’m fine,” even when I was far from it. My default response to overwhelm was shutting down. If my attempts to reach out weren’t met with understanding, I would retreat inward, adopting a hyper-independent stance. While this defence mechanism had once served me, it now felt like a barrier to genuine healing.

Acknowledging and Processing Emotions

Lately, I’ve begun to be more honest about my feelings, supported by the compassionate guidance of a therapist. Emotions I had buried; grief, pain, and unprocessed trauma started surfacing, demanding my attention. These moments reminded me that unresolved pain doesn’t disappear; it lingers, often manifesting in ways we fail to recognise. Addressing today’s pain is not just an act of self-care, it’s an investment in preventing future crises.

Society often conditions women to silence anger and frustration, to focus on being “nice” and “positive.” But through therapy, I’ve started breaking that cycle. As part of this work, I created a timeline of the past few years, confronting experiences I had avoided processing. These included emergency bowel surgery, enduring others’ disrespect for my boundaries, exclusion tactics by a narcissist’s inner circle, and, most painfully, being ghosted by my fiancé just days before a long-anticipated holiday.

Ghosting, in particular, cuts deeply. It’s a deliberate, devastating form of rejection that leaves emotional scars. While I understood his actions spoke more about his shortcomings than mine, the heartbreak still affected me profoundly.

I needed to remember: I didn’t lose him; he lost me.
What did I really lose? A man who could’ve treated me with respect and ended our relationship as an adult, but chose not to.

Reclaiming My Self-Worth

For too long, I suppressed my emotions, afraid of what might surface if I let myself feel them. I was literally soul drained and my happiness had been sucked from simply because someone close did not deal with their issues so projected them on to me. The aftermath of my surgery left me vulnerable and relationship breakdown left me overwhelmed by anxiety, frustration, and self-doubt. I often wondered what the hell had happened, why I wasn’t “enough,” questioning my worth and replaying my perceived flaws. In those dark moments, self-rejection seemed almost inevitable. I went from a place of secure happiness to feeling so very low.

So I’ve started asking myself a new question: What if I chose me? What if we looked in the mirror and said, “I choose you,” even if someone else didn’t?

This summer has been a revelation. I’ve realised that while external validation may soothe temporarily, lasting self-worth must come from within. Healing has become an act of self-love, one that involves confronting insecurities, owning my mistakes, and rebuilding my confidence.

Embracing the Healing Process

Healing is unpredictable, with no fixed timeline. It shocked me that I could become so low again after so much previous inner work.

How did I allow myself to be whittled away?
Why did I allow energy vampires to suck my happiness?
Why did I not speak out and say, “it is not my job to make you happy”?

Just when you think you’re grounded, old wounds can resurface.

Some days, healing feels heavy and overwhelming, and that’s okay. These moments, too, will pass.

I’ve come to appreciate healing as a series of meaningful moments, each one unique:

Some days, it looks like crocheting peacefully or savouring a warm cup of tea.

Other days, it’s putting on lipstick and a smile, or sharing laughter with loved ones.

Sometimes, it’s a session with my CBT therapist or planning a new adventure.

On harder days, it’s sitting with the pain or crying in the shower, knowing those feelings are part of the process.

Learning to embrace every emotion has taught me to honour the journey as much as the destination.

Confronting Trauma and Reclaiming Myself

Looking back, Christmas 2022 was a pivotal moment. At the time, I was undergoing my second round of CBT since the pandemic, focusing on anxiety and presumed OCD symptoms. Therapy taught me a vital lesson: “Put your oxygen mask on first.” Caring for others at the expense of my own needs was depleting, and I vowed never to ignore my well-being again.

The intensity of therapy left me raw, and just as the festive period approached, my household was hit by a flu virus. By January, a minor infection turned into a life-threatening emergency. I was rushed to the hospital with a ruptured appendix and severe sepsis, requiring emergency surgery and weeks of recovery. At the time, I lacked the emotional capacity to process this trauma. My default response remained, “I’m fine.” But the truth was, I wasn’t.

Only after my relationship ended did I feel strong enough to face this chapter. Journaling became a safe space to process my emotions. I’m learning that it’s okay to feel fragile and that healing takes time.

Finding Strength and Gratitude

Sharing my story is an act of vulnerability, but I hope it offers encouragement to others on similar paths. This journey hasn’t been easy, but each step has been worth it.

The love and support of friends and family have been my anchor, reminding me that I don’t have to do this alone. I’m deeply grateful for the strength I’ve found and the layers of healing that continue to unfold.

Goals for the Year Ahead

This year is about rediscovering and reclaiming myself.

My goals include:

• Healing from the trauma of surgery both mentally and physically.
• Breaking cycles of self-sabotage.
• Rebuilding my confidence as a woman.
• Shifting my mindset to stop seeking external validation.
• Embracing my flaws while continuing to grow..
• Reclaiming and loving who I am..
• Be unapologetically you, zero fucks who judges.

There will undoubtedly be more goals along the way, but I’m ready for them.

Moving Forward

Life happened. It hurt. But now, I’m healing. This last year has shown me that healing is a journey, not a destination, and I’m learning to enjoy the process.

Here’s to growth, self-love, and the powerful reclamation of my identity.

Hope your day is magical and you notice the small precious moments.

Love & healing hugs