Wool Goddess

Soul searching often brings light to patterns we unconsciously follow, behaviours or tendencies that no longer serve us or our growth. Recently, I’ve recognised a significant pattern in my life, one that I know I must break to become the better person I aspire to be.

I’ve always been someone who isn’t afraid to speak up, stand tall for what’s right, and give a voice to the underdog. It’s a part of my character I’m deeply proud of, yet I’ve realised that these qualities are sometimes exploited by others.

Recognising the Pattern

How many times have I heard:

“You say it, he listens to you”

“You ask, you are better at this than me”

“This is what I want to say, but I can’t.so will you say it”

People come to me, sharing their frustrations, their truths, and their pain. They know I’m someone who won’t shy away from conflict or confrontation, and they lean on me to do what they feel they can’t. At first, it feels noble. I’m helping someone who feels vulnerable, speaking up for them, standing by their side.

But then, a troubling shift occurs.

The very people I advocate for often step back, retreat, or remain silent. Relationships around me stay intact while I become the outsider, the one who “stirred the pot” or said the thing others were too afraid to say.

This realisation has been both sobering and empowering. It’s not my job to carry the weight of everyone else’s battles.

Why This Cycle Must End

1. Exploitation vs. Empowerment

What initially feels like empowerment, giving a voice to the voiceless, quickly becomes exploitation. Instead of encouraging others to find their strength, I’ve inadvertently enabled their passivity. They rely on me to fight their fights, instead of stepping into their own power.

2. Emotional Drain and Isolation

Being the spokesperson for others comes at a cost. It can be emotionally draining to constantly carry other people’s truths, especially when it results in tension or conflict in my own relationships. Worse, I’ve found myself isolated, alienated and pushed to the side-lines by the very people I stood up for.

3. Boundaries Are Necessary

Advocacy is meaningful, but it must have boundaries. Without them, I risk losing myself in the process of standing up for others.

How I’m Challenging This Pattern

Acknowledging this cycle is the first step, but breaking it requires intentional action. Here’s how I’m working to shift this dynamic:

1. Learning to Pause Before Acting

Not every situation requires my intervention. When someone asks, “Will you say this for me?” I’m learning to pause and ask myself:

Why are they asking me to do this?

Why are they not strong enough to have the tough conversations?

Will they stand by me when I speak out for them ?

Is this truly my responsibility?

Am I helping, or am I enabling their avoidance?

2. Encouraging Others to Speak Their Truth

Instead of taking on the role of spokesperson, I’m shifting to a position of support. I can encourage and coach others to speak up for themselves, offering guidance without taking the lead.

A simple response might be:

“I hear you. How about we work on how you can express this yourself?”

3. Setting Clear Boundaries

Saying “no” is not selfish, it’s essential. I’m learning that protecting my energy and prioritising my well-being is not a betrayal of my values. It’s an act of self-respect.

“I can’t speak on your behalf, but I support you in finding the courage to say what you need to.”

4. Redefining My Role

Being an advocate doesn’t mean being a martyr. I can still stand up for what’s right without becoming the default voice for everyone around me.

5. Reflecting on Relationships

I’m taking a closer look at the relationships in my life. Are they reciprocal? Are the people I’m advocating for also showing up for me? This reflection helps me identify where I might need to let go of connections that feel one-sided or draining.

Moving Forward

Breaking a pattern like this isn’t easy. It’s deeply ingrained in who I am, but I’ve come to understand that growth often requires discomfort. By setting boundaries and empowering others to find their voice, I’m not only protecting myself, I’m fostering a healthier dynamic for everyone involved.

Standing up for others will always be a part of who I am. But moving forward, I will do so with intention, balance, and the understanding that my worth isn’t tied to how much I carry for others.

This journey isn’t just about breaking a pattern, it’s about stepping into my own power and becoming the best version of myself.

I truly need to remember this!

Hope your day is magical and you notice the small precious moments.

Love & healing hugs