Wool Goddess

January always feels like the toughest month, long, dark, and often burdened with financial struggles after Christmas. But this year has been especially hard, harder than any before.

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that our Christmas was incredibly difficult. My youngest son was seriously unwell and spent time in the hospital. It was a terrifying period for my family. As a mother, my adrenaline took over, allowing me to be strong for him, but even now, I shudder when I think about everything he endured. If I was scared, I can only imagine how petrified my 18-year-old son must have been. One moment, he was an active teenager; the next, he was surrounded by monitors, battling Stage Three Acute Renal Injury. Adjusting to this reality has been overwhelming, but thankfully, he’s on the road to recovery. That said, his journey isn’t over, he still has heart scans, ongoing hospital appointments, and a permanent shift to a renal diet.

Now that the crisis has passed, my body is feeling the impact. As expected, I’ve flared up. Every year, post-Christmas takes a toll on me, stealing a month to extreme pain and exhaustion. This January has been particularly brutal, but I’ve come to accept that it’s just part of my rhythm.

Resting has been a challenge. There’s so much I want to do, not grand adventures, just small joys, like planting seeds or organising my bedroom. But my body won’t allow it. Today, for example, I managed a shower, and that was it. Energy depleted, back on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. On Monday, I pushed myself to go shopping with my mum and sons. It was lovely, but it came at a cost, exhaustion and pain. Last week, I gave myself a gold star just for brushing my teeth. I couldn’t even crochet. Instead, I lay cocooned in warmth, allowing my body to just be.

Fibromyalgia flares are debilitating, but after 12 years with this condition, I know their patterns. I know they pass.

Just when I had found some balance between my mental health and fibromyalgia, a new digestive system diagnosis arrived back in 2023, adding yet another hurdle. At times, it feels never-ending. I have to pause, take a deep breath, and remind myself: It’s okay. This won’t break me. I focus on the small, precious moments, holding a warm mug of tea, wrapping myself in a soft blanket. I remind myself that flares end, that I can reset, that brighter days are ahead.

If you’ve read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, you know how profoundly stress impacts the body. This book was a revelation for me, it helped me understand myself in a way I never had before. It explained why I feel different now, and, more importantly, it taught me to embrace that change. During flares, I carry myself with greater patience and compassion, honouring what my body has endured.

My body has been through so much, all the changes, the scars yet it remains beautiful. Life with chronic illness shifts from day to day, echoing the lyrics, “I’m a million different people from one day to the next.” Each day is a uniquely human experience, a symphony of bitter and sweet notes. There is power in accepting this duality, an invitation to find beauty in both the struggle and the grace.

Hope your day is magical and you notice the small precious moments.

Love & healing hugs