Wool Goddess

If you’ve followed me for a while, you probably know I come with a bit of a backstory when it comes to health. If you’re new here; welcome to the chaos! Grab a cuppa and settle in.

My body and I have been through it. Chronic illnesses like Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Fibromyalgia, PTSD, and mental health battles have all shared space in this temple of a body. Fibro was the curveball that really changed my life. Since then, I’ve survived sepsis (twice), pancreatitis, bowel surgery, a not-so-fun breakup, and a mental health spiral. I’ve started new super meds ( I need to write a blog about them), cried a lot, laughed a bit, and like a slightly battered but still fabulous phoenix, I rose, fixed my crown, and made a promise to reclaim my wellbeing.

That brings me to The Zoe Thing.

Your gut biome and body’s response to carbs and fat are tested via a stool and blood sample, plus a blood glucose monitor (worn for a fortnight). As a control, you are sent standardised cookies to eat on your test day; two for breakfast and two for lunch, followed by a regular dinner. This allows Zoe to compare how you metabolise carbs and fats, compared to the rest of the population.

I’ve been following Tim Spector for years. If you’re not familiar, he’s an OBE, a professor, an epidemiologist, a medical doctor, and a trusted voice in the world of gut health and nutrition. Basically, if he told me to eat compost, I’d at least think about it. Then there’s the brilliant Professor Sarah Berry, leading scientist at King’s College London and Chief Scientist at ZOE. Together, they’ve built a system based on real science, real data, and real bodies.

So if those two say ZOE is worth doing, I’m in. All in.

I actually wanted to do it earlier, but life had other plans, like major bowel surgery. I remember lying in my hospital bed with my sauerkraut, seeds, and fresh fruit, and even my consultant was impressed at how well I was healing. He made a comment about my “perfect patient” diet. Honestly, I cringe sometimes as I’m such a teacher’s pet. But deep down I knew the things I’d learned from Tim and Sarah had helped my recovery.

Unfortunately, being on so many antibiotics ruled me out of joining the program at the time. Then came the breakup, the mental health dip, the overwhelm of trying to heal… it was all just too much.

But now? I felt ready.

The Kit Arrives

I cannot tell you how excited I was when that beautiful ZOE box landed on my doorstep. The packaging was stunning, it genuinely felt like a gift. And in many ways, it was a gift. A gift to myself. A promise that I will live life the best I can, with joy and health and curiosity. You only get one go on the swings, after all.

I opened everything up and took time to read all the leaflets. It looked a bit daunting at first, so I read them twice (okay, three times) to really let it all sink in.

Glucose Monitor Drama (That Wasn’t)

The bit that worried me the most? The glucose sensor. I’ve always looked at diabetics and thought, “Ouch, poor loves.” I had no idea how they stuck those things in or how they stayed attached. Do they pierce your arm? Do you bleed if it falls off? Is it like some alien claw?

Spoiler: it was easy. Genuinely, I was shocked by how painless and simple it was. It didn’t even hurt as much as a pinprick. Now, wearing it for a week… that’s a different blog post entirely. But applying it? No drama.

Test Day: Cookies, Poo, and Science

The next day was a lot. Blood test. Breakfast cookies. Fasting. More cookies for lunch (blue ones, for gut transit tracking), then the glamorous task of collecting a stool sample and boxing it all up like some sort of biological game.

No milk in my coffee that morning left me feeling a bit grumpy. I love my milky brew. Black coffee just isn’t the same, it’s like being hugged by someone wearing sandpaper.

Now, the cookies. Oh, the cookies. At first, I was thrilled…..giant, sugary slabs? Sign me up! I even laughed to my son and said, “This is NOT a chore.” Halfway through the first one? I changed my mind. It was claggy, heavy, overly sweet, and oddly exhausting to eat. By cookie three I was questioning my life choices. But hey, if four cookies can teach me about my metabolism, I’m game.

Sci-Fi Science

Every test; blood, gut, poop was easy to follow. Honestly, it felt like I was in some kind of futuristic wellness lab. The blood test kit in particular blew my mind. When I trained as a nurse in the ‘90s, this kind of tech was straight out of Star Trek.

Once everything was posted off, the pressure eased. All I had to do then was follow the Zoe app, log my meals, take a few quizzes about my lifestyle, and just… wait.

A Little Too Enthusiastic

The app encourages you to experiment with your food. I may have taken this a little too literally. Let’s just say Chinese takeaways, gin, cake, and sausage rolls were part of my “scientific exploration.”

But hey, it’s data, right?

One Week In

Now that I’m one week in, the glucose monitor is still on, I’m logging everything, and I’m eagerly awaiting my results. Soon, I’ll have a fully personalised plan created for my body, based on how I actually process and respond to nutrients.

And you know what? I’m proud of myself. This is more than just a health program, it’s me saying, “I matter.”

So here’s to swinging higher on the swing, living better, and staying curious.

Love & healing hugs