It felt so heavy this time last year. I’d just started putting little practices in place all Summer to grow into the best version of myself as a woman. I’m proud of my journey and everything I’ve peeled back along the way, unleashing me, doing the inner work, breathing, hugging, loving… and now dancing happily in my knickers, loving every scar, inside and out.
Dear Me, 2024,
Thank you for all the little reminders in my diary to commit to a year of healing, self-reflection, and self-love. It really has been a magical year of being unapologetically me and shining brightly.
We did it, girl.Love, Me 2025
Long story short, it was a bad time…
Possibly read this blog first, it will explain 2023
June 2024 a relationship ended, not the ending itself but more the way it ended, that ripped open old wounds around rejection and not being chosen.
Ghosting hits hard. It’s silent, cruel, and cuts deep. And it shook me. Coming out of surgery already vulnerable, the timing left me overwhelmed with anxiety, frustration, and those horrible “not enough” whispers.
I went from feeling grounded and happy six years prior to this relationship to suddenly questioning everything about myself.
What surprised me was how quickly I sank after all my previous inner work, so I dug deeper. It wasn’t the man who broke me. It was the unhealed rejection inside me, the grief I didn’t realise I was still carrying. Six years ago I’d have walked past him in the street without a second look. It wasn’t him. It was the wound he triggered.
“At first, I isolated myself, even from communities I love, like the crochet community, which only added to my feelings of loneliness. I realised I had a choice: I could continue in pain, repeating negative cycles, or I could begin the journey to true healing.”
Achive Blog 2024: The Healing Journey: Embracing Change After a Storm
December 2024 was a huge month for my family. My youngest son became critically unwell, and everything in my world shifted in an instant. Seeing him like that was a brutal wake-up call. Any thoughts, feelings, or healing work I’d been doing just froze mid-air, he became the only thing any of us could focus on.
He was so unwell, ended up in kidney failure and was admitted to the specialist renal critical care unit in Liverpool. None of us had any idea he’d been silently battling an autoimmune disease. IgA nephropathy, a condition where IgA proteins build up in the kidney filters and cause inflammation and damage, had been working away underneath it all, completely undetected.
I stayed by his side in the hospital, sleeping on a chair, drifting in and out of this surreal fog because everything happened so fast. The night the doctor quietly explained that his kidney function was so low he’d need dialysis, I just broke. I held his hand and cried.
My boys have always been incredibly close, and watching them navigate this was heart-breaking. His girlfriend Morgan was amazing, and my whole family felt the impact. It was one of those moments that changes you, individually and as a family. (Morgan, you are my family now btw)
I have an album of photos saved from that time, as I used to send our little circle regular updates, and it was easier to explain everything with a picture and a few words. Looking through that album today hurt, a whole wave of emotions surfaced, so I made a mug of Yorkshire tea, sat with them for a while, and let myself shed a few tears. Pud, my son, and I often talk about it now: the fears, the tiny moments we held onto. It always takes me back to the moment he asked, “Will I die, Mum?”
I remember Morgan’s moment of fear so clearly. I left them together because as much as he’s my son, he’s also her man, and she needed that time with him. I went for a coffee with my sister in the hospital café, and then my phone rang. Morgan needed me. He’d started vomiting blood, like something out of a horror film. She needed a hug and not to be alone, so we rushed straight back up to her.
I know we’ll all need many mugs of tea together in the years ahead, and I’ll always be there for them whenever that fear resurfaces as a couple. Sitting with emotions and guiding people toward therapy is my forte. I even tried getting them to come to Breathwork with me for that reason alone. They didn’t stick with it, but that’s alright, emotions unlock when they’re ready. And when they do, I’ll be right there.
We still have a long way to go with this chapter of our lives, and for now, like Forrest Gump said… that’s all I have to say about that.
By summer 2025, he was healing well, I am so proud of how has adapted to lifestyle changes, again like Forrest Gump, they were “peas & carrots” again as a young couple. Such a supportive girlfriend, so happy Pud has her.
He returned to Wrestling and I found myself suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for absolutely everything in my little life. It was a genuine revelation, like the moment in The Wizard of Oz when the black and grey lifts to a burst of magical technicolour. (Favourite Film for anyone who doesn’t know, second being Forrest Gump)
I also realised that while external validation can soothe you for a moment, real, lasting self-worth comes from within, from the tiny, ordinary moments that make up your everyday life.
Healing, for me, became an act of self-love. It meant facing my insecurities instead of avoiding them, owning my mistakes, and slowly rebuilding my confidence piece by piece.
My Breathwork class helped me so much, and like every wonderful serendipity in my life I now get excited to be there, to have that little moment of clarity, my mind doing a defrag and the days before the session.
“For someone like me, content at home, happily immersed in solitude, the act of leaving the house was no small feat. I cherish my time alone and the comfort of my space, but I’m aware that this can sometimes trap me in a bubble. Over time, that bubble can feel like agoraphobia creeping in, even if I don’t label it as such. A therapist once suggested my love of staying home might mask deeper anxieties. While I see it as simply being a homebody, her perspective made me think. Either way, stepping out that evening was significant, and I gave myself a well-earned gold star for making it.
Blog Archive 2024: Unlocking the Power of Breath: The Wim Hof Method as a Therapeutic Tool
Last week it was a full year, I saw it written in my diary, a little note from 2024 me to 2025 me and I felt so proud of myself. I love our Tribe there so much, I think they know this as I hug them so much.
This inspired me to look back to my list of other goals for the year with a mug of Yorkshire Tea. (This is why I get nothing done!)
- Healing from the trauma of surgery both mentally and physically.
- Breaking cycles of self-sabotage.
- Rebuilding my confidence as a woman.
- Shifting my mindset to stop seeking external validation.
- Embracing my flaws while continuing to grow..
- Reclaiming and loving who I am..
- Be unapologetically you, zero fucks who judges.
Having danced that morning in my knickers in my bedroom, waiting for the Nivea to dry on my body after the shower (the blue bottle from Home & Bargain… superb), I think I’ve officially ticked this list too.
I feel blessed. Completely, utterly blessed.
My best friend has been my rock. Katrina, you truly are the best. I’m not sharing all our adventures because, babe, we’d be sectioned! But we know how much we talk, laugh, and send each other a million memes a day. I could write an entire blog dedicated to me and my best friend.
She has fixed my crown over and over….
It really was the year of saying yes to new adventures. In France, I sat outside a little café eating ice cream, feeling like Emily in Paris, and I said to my best friend, “I’m so glad he fucked me off, because I wouldn’t have done this.” At the time, you can’t see what’s ahead or how things fall apart to make space for the most beautiful, unconditional moments with your root people.
My little circle know how much this all means to me, my sons, my best friend, my mum and sister, Morgan, my online crochet friends, and so many people who probably don’t even realise how much their little chats have meant.
“For me, the past months have been profoundly transformative. I’ve learned not just who I am, but why I am. This healing journey, though difficult, has been the most beautiful I’ve ever undertaken, bringing me closer to a sense of wholeness, not by erasing my past but by embracing it.
To anyone battling their inner struggles, I see you. Healing isn’t linear, and it can feel overwhelming, but it is transformative. You are not broken; you’re simply healing. Be patient with yourself. You’re exactly where you need to be.”
Blog archive 2024: The Six Month Recap: Transformative Journey of Inner Healing
When we remove the “I’m fine” mask, we reveal our true selves, flaws, fears, and all. This honesty deepens relationships and creates space for genuine connection and support….. Taking off the mask isn’t easy, it’s a process. But it’s a journey worth taking because life isn’t about appearing perfect. It’s about being real, connected, and fully alive.
Achieve Blog 2024/Unmasking “I’m Fine”: My Year of Self-Discovery and Healing
Now I’m at a stage where I genuinely feel blessed. I love my little life, I laugh so much, and I accept myself just the way I am. Yes, I still have painful days, the fibromyalgia is always there and always will be, but that’s okay with me. We all have good days and not-so-good days; that’s life. The difference now is that I sit with every emotion when it comes up and let myself feel it fully. And my Breathwork gang… they make me feel safe, held, and loved.
“It was never about the big things. It was the little things all along. The magic tucked into ordinary minutes.”
Blog Archive 2024: It Was Never About the Big Things
So if you’ve just landed back on this version of me, welcome, huge hug, because this is why I’m so happy now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still on 20mg of Escitalopram every day and I take enough supplements to rattle, from Ashwagandha to Yorkshire tea. I still have sad moments, my “Man-Down Days,” and days where I pee myself laughing until my belly aches. But this is my little magical life, and I’m sharing it warts and all. No more masquerading as “normal,” no more saying “I’m fine,” and no more vulnerability hangovers wondering, What if they judge me? Who the fuck are they, the little voice in my head now says. If I dim my magic or hide my true, authentic self, all I’m doing is judging me. I owe it to the little girl who loved her dolls, her stamp collection, her orange teddy, to let her live her best magical life.
This poem popped up in my Instagram archives from this time last year, so I’ll end with it. And yes… I called the little girl back.
“I started calling that girl back..
The girl who loved living,
the girl who danced instead of walking.
The girl who had sunflowers for eyes
and fireworks in her soul.
I started playing music again,
hoping she would come out.
I started looking for beautiful moments to experience,
so she would feel safe enough
to show herself,
because I knew she was in there.
And she needed my kindness
and my effort to come
to the surface again.”
Samantha Lourie, The Power of Mess: A guide to finding joy and resilience when life feels chaotic (Good book, totally recommend)
This blog has turned into a manuscript so if you are still here, bloody well done!
Trust the timing of your life and believe in KISMET (Kismet means destiny or fate, basically, something that was “meant to happen,” even if you didn’t plan it.)
I have so much more to share…books that helped me, little stories of my life etc etc but for now… Please always remember: loving yourself is a journey, not a destination. I wanted to open up a bit more and share this part of my story because someone out there might read it and think, me too…
Love and huge happy engulfing hugs
P.S. If your name isn’t here, I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow in that pink dress giving her 1999 Oscars speech. Honestly, girl, I related to you so much that night. So yes, I am that woman in the pink dress… but I can’t be arsed typing any more because I want a mug of Yorkshire tea. Get over it!
Wool Goddess 
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